[Eyeliner]

For a large part of my life I have felt the need to apologise for being the person that I am. I don't want to do that any more. I find myself apologising for no reason, assuming that I must have done something wrong all the time. The worry of what I might have done something to offend someone or annoy someone plays on my mind and it consumes so much time and energy. 

I was recently asked what I wanted to achieve from meeting with my local mental health services...

I think that being happy with who I am and not needing to apologise for being myself is a good place to start. 

[Nail varnish and biro]

Firstly, I hope that neither this image, or any other photographs on this blog are triggering to anybody. If they are, I can only apologise since the purpose of this blog is for me to support myself, and hopefully support others on their journey to recovery too. 

Some of the images that come up on google when you search self-harm are incredibly shocking, and I can absolutely see why those images might trigger people to cut themselves. I find the amount of pro self-harm websites there are on the internet deeply upsetting. Sites where people can ask for advice as to what implements to use to cut themselves!?

In my opinion, that simply adds to the misunderstanding of people who suffer from self-harm. Indeed, it is a coping mechanism, but it's not a healthy one and not one I believe should be advocated. 

I really hope that people continue to show interest in this blog so that some day soon, when people search self-harm on google a more positive array of images will feature much higher on the list. Images like the ones I have created for this blog that will hopefully show people that there are alternatives to self-harm. 

[Eyeshadow]

When you feel overcome by incredibly strong urges to self-harm there are no limits as to where you will or won't cut. If it's a part of your body you can reach, it's a part of your body you can cut. 

That was my mentality. I have scars all over my body, in places people might consider strange, including my chest.

[Nail varnish and eye liner]

[Marker pen]

This is what I feel like doing. But at least this washes off. 

Inside I'm screaming...

 [Eyeliner]

Often when I get the urge to self-harm one half of my brain is saying 'Yes, do it!' whilst the other half is trying to persuade me not to. This inner conflict is a really unpleasant experience that uses so much of your energy. There will be times when we succeed in overcoming the negative impulses and times when we do not.
When I am feeling vulnerable, although I don't vocalise it, I am screaming out for somebody to help me, but unfortunately there may be times when there isn't anyone around to help you. This is why it is so important to learn how to save yourself from yourself.
I'm still learning.

I have always been so secretive about my self-harm but, although this blog is anonymous, I cannot express how liberating it feels to publicly share my story, my journey, my artwork. Starting this blog is one of the best decisions I have ever made and the blog is a way of helping me come to terms with my own experiences and develop less destructive coping strategies. But, not only that. Seeing how many people have shown an interest in the blog has given me a massive confidence boost, which I really needed, so I really hope that the blog is proving to be a source of comfort for others as well as myself.

[Eyeshadow]

Living with scars caused by self-harm can make you feel like you are branded, but I think it is important to say to yourself that if you are going to brand yourself as something, brand yourself as a survivor. 

[Masking tape and marker pen]

Whilst trying to recover from self-harm you might experience set backs, that is only normal. However, do not be disheartened and never give up!